Addiction to the Past

There is a torment of anger
Despair that seems pours from every surface
A helplessness that wonders
Could one small event or a gesture
Change what might have been

After a while all that remains are
The dying embers of a once great fire
A desperate fight for surviving the cold
Will it become dark again?
Is there a way to brush off the past and walk?

Everyday I dream of events and people
Without fail I dream of the love I experienced
I dream because I want to remember
Remember true joy, the feeling of floating
Before my transformation into nothingness

To be numb for so long
Waiting for the nerves to stop responding
Hope slowly burning into ashes
Falling onto my skin
Absorbed by my rage and disappointments

I would like to stop living in past tense
There was a time…
The good old days when…
Been there done that
Once I was someone who…
NO

I would like to exist today
Find my way back to laughter
Blindly seek in the dark and find the light switch
Stop being bitter and angry for the losses
Not to blame others for my life

Let the pain dissipate, wash away
One deep exhale, tighten my fists
Finally let go

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