Mourn

When it comes to an old lover moving on
The news is hardly ever delivered directly to you
It comes in waves and sometimes in hushed conversations
Unlike the other losses in life, this one is better left uninformed
When it does reach you however,
The feeling still remains the same
Bittersweet memories of days you spent in bliss flows in unwelcome
Once you meant something to someone
Old songs emerge in the form of last Valentines Day gifts
You close your eyes and you can feel them again, gently brushing your eyelashes
You think of how perfectly you fit into their arms
The sweet words of love and forever
You had built your future and theirs
I, becomes us and you free fall into the passionate abyss

I mourn the kisses that were lost
I mourn the tangled mess on the bed that we once were
I mourn the hands that once held in innocence
The blueprints of life together, float away like a dandelion in the wind
I close my eyes and let go
Of the love, the home, the kids, the memories of what could have been
I mourn the goodbye, open my eyes and put on my smile

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Limbo

The hour of melancholia has risen again like clockwork
Every week it arises during midday of the diminishing weekend
Tasks of organizational and homely propriety settled
Yet the goals of yesteryear and yesterday stay unfinished
Looming above like wisps of forgotten memories

My biggest fear is that my ennui will never fade
That limbo will be permanent
Stuck between the past and the future
Unable to move
Frozen forever in the depths of despair

There are more questions than answers
They pile up like the documents on the desk of an office clerk
The answers are complicated
Like the relationships
Unhinged from their designated space with nowhere to go

The worst part is that my sadness is spreading to those around me
Slowly their personalities wilt away
Like a contagious toxin their expression matches mine
All the light in the home, all the wealth in our wallets
Nothing able to pave the crippling unknown path ahead

We sit in different spaces, rooms, and countries
Trying to understand what lies ahead for each of us
Profession, matrimony, health and wealth
All suspended without gravity in our minds
While we hopelessly wait in agony for tomorrow

Sunset of past sorrows

He looked over the pier at the waters
The sun was setting, leaving the orange and pink hues
Mere wisps of its glorious past

Life had turned out well
Yet he saw her face in moments unexpected
Closing his eyes, the face became clearer

He remembered her standing on the curb
With a look that he could not forget in a lifetime
‘Stay’ it said

She had wrapped her hands around herself
It had nothing to do with the ice in the air
He looked away with a heavy heart

Regret was not an emotion he wore well
He had everything he ever wanted
Life had gone by, he had moved on

During the worst days
When his wife and children were not around
A number on the phone was his temptation

It took everything not to ever see her again
Nights of conflicting sleep
Days of secret mourning

Until he saw a glimpse of her one fateful day
Looking like a survivor
Same yet different

Sitting with a young girl, who looked just like her
Playful, slurping a soda, uninhibited
For a moment he could not move

She looked up directly to see him
An eternity had passed in that gaze
Memories of a long-lost past

Reality swished past
She collected herself and smiled
‘Its ok’ it said

He walked away, solaced by the smile
Finally he was at peace
That night he slept, dreamless

This evening he let her into his mind
Making him smile
As a lullaby sang him to eternal slumber