Reflections

She looked down at her henna covered hands
The beautiful intricate patterns symbolizing married bliss
Mother had worn her finest, her eyes shiny with tears
All the curious ones had their answer
The daughter was finally being given away in matrimony

She looked around with a small sigh
Finding his eyes, she exhaled slowly
The years of solitude and incompatibility
Led her to him, the wonderful gentle man
The ceremony was about to begin, along with the rest of her life

The other side of the mirror held another truth

She ruffled her white gown playfully
The nerves have quelled into a clear certainty
Maybe there was unforgiving aching
Perhaps she had broken the rules and wandered without caution
She still felt calm and ready

Walking down the aisle she marveled at the beauty of the orchids
She glanced lovingly at the two empty chairs that were meant for her parents
Looking up she found her bride and smiled their secret smile
It might have taken forever, heartbreak and exile
As the minister began, she was thankful that she had the courage to want more

Mourn

When it comes to an old lover moving on
The news is hardly ever delivered directly to you
It comes in waves and sometimes in hushed conversations
Unlike the other losses in life, this one is better left uninformed
When it does reach you however,
The feeling still remains the same
Bittersweet memories of days you spent in bliss flows in unwelcome
Once you meant something to someone
Old songs emerge in the form of last Valentines Day gifts
You close your eyes and you can feel them again, gently brushing your eyelashes
You think of how perfectly you fit into their arms
The sweet words of love and forever
You had built your future and theirs
I, becomes us and you free fall into the passionate abyss

I mourn the kisses that were lost
I mourn the tangled mess on the bed that we once were
I mourn the hands that once held in innocence
The blueprints of life together, float away like a dandelion in the wind
I close my eyes and let go
Of the love, the home, the kids, the memories of what could have been
I mourn the goodbye, open my eyes and put on my smile

Happily Never after

The day he came home smelling like cigarettes and sex
I wanted him once again
The thought that someone else desired him
Made him irresistible

As I nibble his ear and he groans
I think of the first time he invited me into his world
His laugh, his card tricks, the oysters and that smile
I had let the infatuation wash over like gentle waves

I kiss him softly, and hard
Gently untangling him
Remembering the laughs at the pier
The memories of fresh-cut roses and wine fill me while he touches me

I can smell her perfume as I trail kisses down his chest
Like a trance I close my eyes and inhale her scent
For a moment I am her, the intruder in my bed
His promises of forever and always float into my mind

Rises of pleasure, moans of satisfaction
I realize how it feels to feel dead and alive at the exact same time
There is so much that needs to be said but words fail me
I cry out with ecstasy and agony

I might be a broken shell today
The truth is nothing will ever balm over this pain
I bend down to kiss him while he is asleep
Leaving my past and my love behind

Limbo

The hour of melancholia has risen again like clockwork
Every week it arises during midday of the diminishing weekend
Tasks of organizational and homely propriety settled
Yet the goals of yesteryear and yesterday stay unfinished
Looming above like wisps of forgotten memories

My biggest fear is that my ennui will never fade
That limbo will be permanent
Stuck between the past and the future
Unable to move
Frozen forever in the depths of despair

There are more questions than answers
They pile up like the documents on the desk of an office clerk
The answers are complicated
Like the relationships
Unhinged from their designated space with nowhere to go

The worst part is that my sadness is spreading to those around me
Slowly their personalities wilt away
Like a contagious toxin their expression matches mine
All the light in the home, all the wealth in our wallets
Nothing able to pave the crippling unknown path ahead

We sit in different spaces, rooms, and countries
Trying to understand what lies ahead for each of us
Profession, matrimony, health and wealth
All suspended without gravity in our minds
While we hopelessly wait in agony for tomorrow

Still waters of Hope

The girl sat lying on the ground
Belly against the earth, held up by elbows
She watched the stillness of the water
It reminded her of her mother during prayer
Stubbornly stoic, unmoving yet filled with an unknown energy
Her mother prayed that her family find peace and love
The girl did not have the faith, she wished for freedom
Sometimes it felt like they were two detached people
Strangers in the cosmic waiting room brought together by existence
The water had not moved by a shiver
Silent, limpid, so still and calm
This is why the girl loved watching it; she understood the need for serenity
She was at peace beside the water
There was no judgment or assumptions
She closed her eyes, wishing to be free

She sat on the wooden chair across the water
Watching her daughter lying on the ground
Her little girl looked at the water like it was a miracle
Sometimes she wondered how her own offspring was so different
At times felt like a foreigner sat down next to her during dinner
She angered at not raising her right and that she should have been stern
Eventually she calmed down as she observed her
Her little one was not perfect but she was still pure at heart
The peace that engulfed her during her conversations with God was magnificent
Just like this look on her daughters face
Slowly the child’s eyes brightened, although the water remained the same
She looked upon with wide eyes as her daughter closed hers
This time she prayed that her daughter finds what she is looking for
Perhaps they did not speak the same language or had the same faith
Yet they understood hope, just the same

Addiction to the Past

There is a torment of anger
Despair that seems pours from every surface
A helplessness that wonders
Could one small event or a gesture
Change what might have been

After a while all that remains are
The dying embers of a once great fire
A desperate fight for surviving the cold
Will it become dark again?
Is there a way to brush off the past and walk?

Everyday I dream of events and people
Without fail I dream of the love I experienced
I dream because I want to remember
Remember true joy, the feeling of floating
Before my transformation into nothingness

To be numb for so long
Waiting for the nerves to stop responding
Hope slowly burning into ashes
Falling onto my skin
Absorbed by my rage and disappointments

I would like to stop living in past tense
There was a time…
The good old days when…
Been there done that
Once I was someone who…
NO

I would like to exist today
Find my way back to laughter
Blindly seek in the dark and find the light switch
Stop being bitter and angry for the losses
Not to blame others for my life

Let the pain dissipate, wash away
One deep exhale, tighten my fists
Finally let go

Fogged Clarity

The silence of unspoken truths
Sometimes more louder than reality
Changes that have no stop button
Overtaking and leaving no one behind

The darkness just seems to engulf
A being, an emotion, a time and a place
The past was being erased slowly
With nothing ahead

Disguised peaceful moments
Full of torment and hopelessness
Seeking the floor blindly
For a path, for a weapon, for anything

A haze of no direction
Swirling in an embrace of cigarette smoke
The stages have been attended
Now what

Feeling not a pinch
Where as the world is shaking
Falling to the ground
In cries of ecstasy and grief

No man is an island
But perhaps he is a scarecrow
Surrounded by fertile soil and rich produce
Repulsing even the blackest of black

Opaque is the window to the soul
The light fog sets on the mirror
Hiding the truth
To stop reflecting the remorse
Trying not to be covered in discontent

The Media According to us

Vampire Shows, Reality Shows, Justin Beiber, Lady Gaga and now Rebecca Black. Wonder whatever happened to the media? The real truth? We happened. Mass consumption of people who are happy to see ridiculous and shallow content across the mediums because “Drum roll here” We like to think we are better than the Justin Beibers of the world.

Human psychology is favorable to the idea of sadism; we enjoy seeing people acting like fools as it makes us feel superior. Think about the American Idol William Hung debacle, the reason people were fascinated was due to the fact that here was a person oblivious to the world and his shortcomings, making a fool himself on national television. We as a mass will probably never have the courage to do what William Hung did, but it does not stop us from enjoying it

We like Reality shows where people do the most ridiculous things, even if we know in the bottom of our hearts that these shows are artificial, we like seeing the cat fights and sexual deviance in Big Brother and we absolutely love it when Trump says “You’re Fired”

Vampire shows are of course the flavor of the month, although this flavor seems to have caught our fancies for longer (could it be due to the fact that vampires drink human blood? Don’t need Freud here to interpret) Yes we love the beautiful people but I think we love the blood drinking more maybe because it appeals to our base and primal nature. Hunger, Lust, Survival

Coming to the Tween of Pop Justin Beiber, he is young, he is cheeky but the boy has got talent. Actually Justin Beiber would be someone who used the power of social media for good. He does not appeal to all the age groups and genders but to his Target Audience, he is an idol. He knows what they want and he gives them what they want. Quite Simple. The fact that he used YouTube to rise to success is where it gets interesting. He knew that 13-year-old girls aren’t watching TV or listening to the radio as much as they were on YouTube watching Edward and Bella kiss, thus he went where they were. Classic Marketing Strategy, well, perhaps it was strategy or just dumb luck but it worked, he used a medium that he understood to broadcast himself and voila. Baby Baby Baby ohh!

For the adults of the world, we have Lady Gaga. All Hail the Queen of Monsters. Lady Gaga born Stefani Germonatta started playing the Piano by the age of 4. She has skills but what do you think of when you hear her name? Yep, The meat dress, the Artificial Blood for her Paparazzi performance, the giant egg to launch her new album “Born this way” and who can forget her video with Beyonce “Telephone”. Forbes tells us that she isn’t the New Madonna; she is the new business model. Preying on people’s lowest and weirdest fantasies. She has awed and shocked the world, but we haven’t been able to take our eyes off her. She is now one of the most powerful social currencies in the world due to her 1.6 million followers on twitter and 360 million views on her Bad Romance video. Why? Lady Gaga is a master magician, she understand the nature of viral. Her voice, personality, music and choice of garments is tailor-made to enchant any neitzen. She does this so well that even traditional brands would now like to use Lady Gaga to be their ambassador due to her social currency.

The point perhaps is where does it end? The debauchery? With girls like Rebecca Black singing about the day of the week like its “Oh so fantastic!” her video and her autotune is far from Fun Fun Fun! (Actual lyrics of the song btw). Like discussed above, the reason she has 62 million views and rising is because she is creation of our society. She exists as a reminder that we lead meaningful lives, she is the yin to our yang. Just that her annoying voice is enough to makes you want to pull out your ears. If Rebecca Black had a half decent voice, her fame would be justified but honestly I don’t think the poor girl realizes that the world is not cherishing her but rather relishing her.

Some Interesting Links

Rebecca Black Friday: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD2LRROpph0
The Business of Lady Gaga: http://www.forbes.com/2009/11/25/lady-gaga-music-business-entertainment-marketing.html
The Age of mediocrity: http://mashable.com/2011/03/24/rebecca-black-mediocre-culture/

Sunset of past sorrows

He looked over the pier at the waters
The sun was setting, leaving the orange and pink hues
Mere wisps of its glorious past

Life had turned out well
Yet he saw her face in moments unexpected
Closing his eyes, the face became clearer

He remembered her standing on the curb
With a look that he could not forget in a lifetime
‘Stay’ it said

She had wrapped her hands around herself
It had nothing to do with the ice in the air
He looked away with a heavy heart

Regret was not an emotion he wore well
He had everything he ever wanted
Life had gone by, he had moved on

During the worst days
When his wife and children were not around
A number on the phone was his temptation

It took everything not to ever see her again
Nights of conflicting sleep
Days of secret mourning

Until he saw a glimpse of her one fateful day
Looking like a survivor
Same yet different

Sitting with a young girl, who looked just like her
Playful, slurping a soda, uninhibited
For a moment he could not move

She looked up directly to see him
An eternity had passed in that gaze
Memories of a long-lost past

Reality swished past
She collected herself and smiled
‘Its ok’ it said

He walked away, solaced by the smile
Finally he was at peace
That night he slept, dreamless

This evening he let her into his mind
Making him smile
As a lullaby sang him to eternal slumber

The Year That Was

As another year of our existence comes to a finish
Some of us wake up one morning
Some of us look at the road ahead
Some of us take a long coffee break
To think about, perhaps just for a moment
About the year that went by

We have walked along this time
Together and apart
Leaving trinkets of our personality in the path
Picking up new traits and friends along the way
We message the people we love
While others have nothing to say to the person they once loved
Parents have welcomed new life
Children have said goodbyes to old parents

We have moved to other countries
New lists and old photographs
Seen our best friend get married
Stood at an airport with a heavy heart
Let go of the love of our life
Sang out loud in the car when you got that job you wanted

Experienced life in those little moments
The ones where you feel like its not worth it
We have had the feeling of invincibility and bliss
How fragile yet wonderful it is
The year that went by
Molding you gently like weathered rocks

We have looked into the eyes of our child
Seen new leaders make claims, wars being fought
Thinking, judging and at times surrendering
Touched someone new and felt the electricity
Kissed that special someone
Felt our heart ache when we came home to emptiness
Looked at our self in the mirror
Trying to hold on, or smiling at our new haircut

The mundane tiny inconsequential events
That was painted by our actions
Made this year, this month, this day, this second
Into something unique, something we cannot have again
What awaits us is not a fresh new beginning
But the next chapters of our extraordinary individual lives
The hope, that liberating inhale of promise
All the best and worst making us better versions of ourselves

Wonder what next year will be like
You think with a smile.

Happy 2011